


Mind Over Body

by Artemis_Day



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Bedmate Reveal, Bodyswap, Ensemble Cast, F/M, Gen, Humor, problems for everyone, three part oneshot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-14
Updated: 2014-04-19
Packaged: 2018-01-19 07:39:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1461211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Artemis_Day/pseuds/Artemis_Day
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An ill advised scientific expedition spells trouble for Thor, Jane and Pepper.  Spending a day living each other's lives is going to be harder than it looks.  It might be impossible, but they can totally handle it.  Right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. CEO Jane Foster

**Author's Note:**

> This was an anon request, and it wound up so long, I had to split it into three parts! Which is why I decided to post it as a separate story, rather than add it to my Lokane drabble collection, The Science of Lies (also because this wound up more of an ensemble piece than a shipping piece).
> 
> So here's part one. Enjoy!

This wasn't how Jane typically woke up in the morning.

How she woke up depended on what she'd been doing the night before. If she'd spent it alone with her work, she awoke to an air conditioner blowing in her face and scratchy, yet warm cotton sheets pulled up to her neck, with her favorite fluffy pillow under her head. If she'd been on a date, she got up whenever Loki wanted her to (because no matter how hard she tried, Jane could never wake up before him), either from his hands crawling up her shirt or a light trail of kisses at the corners of her mouth.

What happened next, Jane was not at liberty to discuss. Suffice to say, this was not how she found herself waking up today, and that was very odd. She could've sworn she spent the night with Loki last night.

She was fooled, for a moment, into thinking everything was fine and that she'd finally achieved her dream of being the first one up. But that couldn't be right. The sun was far too high in the sky. It had to be at least noon, if not later. It wasn't that uncommon for her to sleep so late, not with Loki keeping her busy well into the morning hours.

What was weird was for the hotel room walls to suddenly change color during the night.

In fact… had there always been a jacuzzi in the bathroom?

That was hardly the only difference. The weight on the other side of the bed, while distinctly masculine, didn't feel right- or sound right.

Since when did Loki snore?

Jane was frozen, the silken covers over her head. A few strands of hair fell in her face. Hair that was the wrong color.

She had to just be seeing things, right?

Her bedfellow shifted in his sleep, a sound like a cat hacking up a chainsaw preceding a pair of arms snaking around her waist. Since when had Loki's arms been so hairy?

He nuzzled his face into her shoulder. His facial hair covered face.

That was about all Jane could take. She wrenched herself free, jolting him awake in the process. He mumbled something she couldn't comprehend as Jane twisted herself around to greet the sight of Tony Stark, rubbing sleep from his eyes and smirking at her.

"Morning, babe. Up for a quickie?"

Jane screamed. The voice that came out of her mouth wasn't her own.

Tony screamed, sounding exactly like he was supposed to.

The front door burst off its hinges. Jane found herself staring at her own face, mirroring her- for lack of a better word- in abject shock and awe.

**

This was Loki's favorite method of waking up.

He never rose at the same moment twice, but when he did, Jane was always undisturbed at his side, lovely in a way she rarely was during waking hours.

Not that she wasn't always beautiful. There was just something about her in this serene state of peace; no mortal concerns to weigh her down, no SHIELD puppets trying to keep her under thumb. For a little while, nothing mattered but the sweet dreams he knew her to be having. He just hoped most of them featured him.

There was also, of course, the fact that he got to wake her up.

Loki's nimble fingers trailed up the smooth curve of her hipbone. She was a little thing, his Jane, with skin soft as silk, and oh so sensitive. His hand moved beneath the confines of her loose nightshirt, tracing her breasts to her nipples. They puckered under his ministrations. She hummed in her sleep, and Loki grinned.

"Rise and shine," he whispered in her ear and then kissed the shell of it. He made his way across her cheek to her mouth. Plump pink lips were slightly parted in a most inviting way. Loki ran his tongue over his first to wet them, then he placed a firm, yet gentle kiss right over the top of her lips.

Jane's eyes opened.

And Loki _knew_.

One couldn't say how he knew, except for that Loki was a mage.

He knew magic, knew the signs of it, the shapes it could take. He knew it all by heart.

More than that, he knew Jane, and more even than that, he knew Thor.

He screamed.

Thor screamed too, Jane's voice ripping out Jane's mouth. Jane's body flew from the bed, but it was not Jane who propelled it. It was not Jane doing any of it.

Minutes later, they were on the stairs, skipping two at a time to get to the very top floor where Thor slept. In Jane's body, Thor was struggling to keep up, and it was a tragedy that Loki couldn't savor Thor's newfound weakness.

"Brother, I-"

"Don't call me that!" Loki snapped.

Thor furrowed his- Jane's- brow. "I thought we were past that now."

"We are," Loki said without thinking. "I mean… I don't want to hear that in Jane's voice."

They approached the second highest floor- the one Stark was inhabiting with his lover. Screams resonated as far the stairs, giving both brothers pause. They shared a glance, it was difficult for Loki to see Thor's serious expression on Jane's pretty face.

Loki sighed. "I hope that's not what it sounds like."

Reluctantly, Loki rushed after Thor to Stark's room. As Thor lacked the strength to push the door down, it was up to Loki to be an unsubtle brute for him. The door crumpled, and they were treated to the sight of Pepper Potts screaming bloody murder as she crawled as far from Stark as she could. Looking at them now, her face was pale as a sheet.

"THAT'S ME!" she shrieked, pointing at Thor.

"Jane? Is that you?" he cried, pointing at Jane.

"Oh, _Valhalla above_ ," Loki moaned with a hand on his head.

"Will someone please tell me what the hell is going on here?!" screamed Stark.

**

If there were ever an upside to all this, it was that Jane at least did not have to contend with his brother's oafish body. Beyond the complications of a human wielding the power of Mjolnir, there was the obvious complication of having his lover in the body of his brother. Ten minutes in and he was ready to sell Thor's soul to the Norns if it meant getting it out of Jane's body and never having to wake up to that again.

In the time since him and Thor had calmed down and gone to look for Jane, they had made a silent agreement never to speak of what happened again.

With her in Pepper Potts's body… well, it wasn't ideal, but at least Ms. Potts was more pleasing to the eye. Happy as he was with Jane, he had certainly let his gaze linger at the beach the day before, when Ms. Potts had shown up in a well chosen ruby red one piece.

Really though, he'd take anything over Thor.

With that headache relieved, Loki paced around the room and those assembled. Stark, still in his nightclothes, kept at least a foot away from the woman wearing Ms. Potts's face. Jane looked even less happy to be there than he did, not that Loki could blame her. It was tasking to remember that it was Ms. Potts he had to look to, and not the body right beside her, that was rightfully hers. Thor was the only one to meet his eye, wearing a look that was and wasn't Jane at her most serious.

"Alright," Loki said, looking at no one in particular, though it was clear to everyone who he was addressing. "May I hear the story again?"

Stark rolled his eyes, then glanced Jane's way, expecting her to scold him the way Ms. Potts would.

"We were at the party," he said. "I was getting bored, so I tried to get Jane and Bruce together for a little excavation. Bruce was off somewhere with Betty and I couldn't find him, so it was just me and Jane."

Loki nodded. "Go on."

"I took Pepper along, because there was no way I was leaving her. Then Thor spotted us and asked to join in. So we walked around the beach for a while, heading in the direction of the forest. I found this cave to explore, and a little ways in, Jane found some kind of writing on the walls."

"It was an ancient language from the looks of it," Jane butt in excitedly. "I didn't know for sure- my only experience with dead languages was a college roommate who was studying linguistics, but she had this book she lent me-"

"Anyway," Stark snapped. Loki would've gotten him for that, but it wasn't like he didn't agree. "Jane wanted to go in deeper, and so we wound up finding this series of caverns, and through the one we chose, we found this weird underground temple, like Indiana Jones. Jane wanted to check it out, but being a gentlemen, I insisted on going first. I found a bunch of ancient artifacts all laid out like a display. I didn't want to touch anything, but I think my hand may have brushed this one piece of pottery by accident."

"The next thing we know, there's this huge burst of light," Jane continued. "It was awful, it felt like my skin was burning off."

"I believe our friend Tony didn't feel it because he was standing behind the blast," said Thor, grave in a way that made Loki's insides twist. "For myself and the ladies, however…"

He gave no further explanation. He doesn't need to. The story finished once more, Loki could feel a powerful tension forming at his temples.

"So, the four of you gallivanted off to parts unknown, you meddled with ancient magics which I highly doubt are of this world, and look at the results." He made a wide, sweeping motion at his temporally displaced brother and lover, both of whom dropped their heads in shame. "The question now becomes this: if Jane is in Ms. Potts's body, and Thor is in Jane's, where is…?"

A heavy thud over the ceiling preceded a deep scream of horror. Gray storm clouds formed out the window, bringing forth strong winds that shook the very foundation of the building.

**

"I'm so, so sorry, Tony. I'm sorry."

Pepper Potts heaved heavy sobs into the armrest of her chair. The steel frame had been bent completely out of shape from her pressing down on it. As if Loki needed a reminder of what a problem Thor's power in the hands of a mortal would be. While he tended to the mangled structure of Tony's left arm, he considered his next move.

Ms. Potts had been distraught when they found her. The room was half flooded, with indoor rain clouds creating a downpour all around her. She had curled herself into a tight ball, quite a feat, what with how large and bulky Thor's body was. Once she calmed down and Thor had walked her through banishing the storm, Loki saw to removing the water. Upon spotting Stark among them, Ms. Potts forgot herself and ran to him. In her haste and lack of control, she'd pulled Stark's arm right out of it's socket. That she didn't rip it right off was evidence that someone was watching over Tony Stark. Getting his arm back into place was quick work (Stark didn't even scream). The most Loki could do now was provide a salve to lessen the pain, while Thor saw to the weeping Ms. Potts who had taken his body, and Jane just sat on the couch playing with her hair, like she expected any second now to wake up in bed and have this all have been a dream.

"If only," Loki muttered.

"You say something, Rock of Ages?"

Loki blinked at the obnoxious man he was, against his better judgement, treating.

"What does that even mean?"

"Nevermind that!" Ms. Potts cried. A small roll of thunder clapped ominously in the distance. "Just tell us how to fix this, please."

Loki checked Stark's arm one more time before clearing his throat. With bated breath, they waited to hear what he had to say. In the meantime, a combination of Tony's presence and Thor's/Jane's hand on hers/his kept Ms. Potts from setting off a hurricane.

"Well, the good news is that fixing your condition will be quite simple for me," Loki said.

A collective wave of relief rolled over them, none more so than Ms. Potts and Stark.

"Thank god," said Stark. "I swear, I do not think I could handle my girlfriend being a big alien viking, much less a man. No offense, Point Break."

He waved awkwardly in Thor's direction. The fool was getting to know Jane's long hair a little better as he struggled to keep it out of his face. At one point, he started messing with some items laid out on the nightstand. He found nothing bind it back and had to put in extra effort to move aside a heavy lamp fixture to aid he search. He spent a long time staring downtrodden at his- at Jane's hands afterwards. Idiot.

"The bad news," Loki paused to let that sink in, "is that I'll need at least 24 hours to prepare, so the three of you will have to live as each other until I am ready."

He smiled at the end, and they took it about as well as could be expected.

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!" shouted Ms. Potts, punctuated by a bolt of lightning. "I can't be stuck as Thor, I have a meeting with the directors of Stark Industries' New England branch in three hours!"

"And I have to present my latest research to SHIELD," said Jane.

"I have been asked by Nick Fury to assist in the training of some new recruits this afternoon," said Thor demurely. He sounded almost exactly like Jane in a sad mood when he did that. Loki hoped he never would again.

"You're just going to have to go as each other," Loki said, and he glared at them when they looked like they were going to object again. "Thor, you will have to bring Jane's research to SHIELD in her place. Ms. Potts must control her emotions long enough to train the recruits, and Jane, you will go to the board meeting as Ms. Potts."

Ms. Potts moaned and slumped over. No thunder or lightning followed, thank Odin for that. No one else looked any more enthusiastic, but Thor, at least, put on a brave face.

"If that is what must be done, then we shall do it," he said in a truly leaderly way. He brought his fist to his chest. "Jane Foster, I swear on my honor as a son of Odin to do you justice before your superiors. And Lady Pepper, I will assist you however necessary in getting through this."

"That sounds great," said Ms. Potts without looking at Thor or even opening her eyes. "Just great…"

"Yeah, real great," grumbled Stark as he leaned over to grab his glass of vodka. "But does it really have to be a day? I bet you could do it faster if you tried."

Loki's eye flicked to his.

"You wish for me to speed up the delicate process of preparing for and executing a spell that could rip the skin from their bones if just one little thing is done wrong?" he asked, met with looks of horror from all four of them. "I wonder how alive you would be right now if you rushed in making your suits."

Stark swallowed another swig of his drink and smacked his lips.

"You paint a detailed picture. He tossed the empty glass aside carelessly and nodded at Thor. "What about you, Point Break? You're in his girlfriend's body. Go seduce him with it. Make him work faster."

"NO!" the brothers shouted together, successfully making Stark jump for once.

"Woah, calm down," he said. "I was kidding."

They stared him down for a while longer. Even in Jane's body, Thor knew intimidation well. Stark would probably never admit how much they were scaring him, but they'd always know. They could smell fear.

"Okay, knock it off, guys," Jane piped in. She had her hand on her throat to feel the vibrations of a voice she wasn't used to, but even with that hindering her, she held herself well, the way Loki knew she would. "If we have to wait, we have to wait. It's only for one day." She looked to Ms. Potts and Thor. "For now… we'll just have to learn to be each other as best we can."

A thickening fog of anxiety was forming over, one Loki could acutely feel.

This was going to be a long day indeed.


	2. Pepper Potts, The Goddess of Thunder

Jane was not prepared for this.  Not prepared at all.

In fact, she was pretty sure she was about to throw up. Pepper's driver had them on a road full of turns; each one made her stomach burn. The driver, a man named Happy Hogan who was also apparently Pepper's bodyguard, kept glancing at her through the rear view mirror, like knew something was wrong, but was afraid to ask.

"We'll be there in just another five minutes."

"Thanks, Happy," Jane said, with her head tilted to one side as she watched the houses go by.

She stroked the cool leather handle of Pepper's briefcase.

 _'I do that sometimes when I'm nervous,'_  Pepper had told her.  _'I don't know why, but it calms me down.'_

Whatever it was, Jane couldn't relate. If anything, she felt worse. That stupid briefcase was just another reminder that this was really happening and she really had to pretend to be the head of the biggest corporation in the country, if not the world, for a day. That was about 24 hours too long in her opinion.

It's enough to make her wish Thor  _had_  used her body to manipulate Loki. In her experience, that could've worked.

 _'It must have been fun for him to wake up and realize it was Thor he was in bed with,'_  she thought to herself, cracking a smile.

Happy turned the next corner- Jane swallowed back bile- a tall, steel blue building came into view at the end of the street. The size of the building, compared to all the one story, 'mom and pop' shops surrounding it, was unmistakably Stark Industries. The more ostentatious, the better was Tony's M.O. One just had to look at Manhattan's Stark Tower to know that.

Closing her eyes, Jane inhaled deeply and slowly, the way she learned long ago, and exhaled even slower. The tension subsided slightly, clearing her mind of all but Pepper's instructions.

_'Remember, it's just a bi-monthly review of the New England branch's productivity. It's going to be a lot of old men kissing up to you and buttering you up. If anyone asks you any business related questions, just say your PA is looking into it. If they ask for any sort of decision about anything at all, just say you have to consult with some of your people, and you'll get back to them. That's all. Do not let them try and wring more out of you.' And whatever you do, do not agree to take lunch with Rodney Stetson. He's very persistent, but if you keep saying no, he'll get the picture.'_

There might have been more, but Jane had been having trouble listening. She hadn't even thought to ask who Rodney Stetson was, so she just had to hope that business meeting had mandatory Meet and Greets, where everyone stood up and said their name, their age, and their favorite color.

"Good afternoon, Ms. Potts," said the dark haired women in glasses and a black pantsuit who met her at the door. "I hope you're having a good day."

"Oh yeah," Jane said, smiling wide to display Pepper's unfairly perfect and white teeth. "New England's great. I'm glad to be here."

The woman blinked in confusion, making Jane falter. Had she gone too far?

"Well, it's homey, I suppose," said the woman. "I imagine things are much more exciting over in California."

The yearning in her words was hard to miss, but Jane had no chance to answer (not that she would know how). The woman lead her down a whitewashed hall to a series of numbered doors, all pale grey and sterile. Jane tried not to stare, but this whole setup was entirely too ordinary for Stark Industries. It felt more like a bank than something with Tony's name on it. Must have been the lack of his continued presence around here that kept him from 'awesomeing things up.'

"Right this way, Ms. Potts," said the woman. "We've all been waiting for you."

She opened a door labeled 'CONFERENCE ROOM,' standing aside for Jane to walk in first. A dozen men and women sat around a long table covered in charts and looseleaf papers. Their severe faces covered in age lines made them look less like they were waiting for her to conduct a business meeting and more like they were getting ready to witness her execution.

Jane gulped, clutching the leather briefcase for dear life.

No turning back now.

**  
With the thick bundle of papers tucked under his arm, Thor proudly strode into the SHIELD facility with his head held high, the way he could only imagine Jane Foster did every day. Very few people stopped to greet him. Some glanced his way and nodded, fewer bade' Dr. Foster' good morning before hurrying off to whatever their daily task was. It was difficult for Thor not to answer in kind. If he'd been his proper self, he would have bid everyone a good day as soon as he walked through the door. He'd done it before, and he could only hope Lady Pepper remembered when she arrived.

He'd had very little time to train her in his power. It went as far as showing her how to keep her emotions in check so not to summon a hurricane if she got nervous, and then Jane forced her research into his arms and practically shoved him out the door. He'd been unable to do more than let his feet skid on the carpet. If there was anything he truly hated about the current situation, it was this. He hated being weak. Weak and tiny. It felt like an insult to Jane to think that way, but perhaps he'd never realized just how fragile a mortal's body really was. It was like a single tap could snap these bones in two, a gust of wind could blow him away.

He followed the path Jane laid out for him. It wasn't hard, he'd been inside this facility enough times to know the way. The training rooms were just around the corner from here. Thor heard the sound of ricocheting bullets and bodies being thrown, interspersed with trainers barking orders at the recruits like drill sergeants. Thor winced sympathetically. He could still remember his own days in training, when he was still just a boy.

He tried not to wonder if Lady Pepper was with them yet and walked into the lab.

"Good afternoon, everyone," he said, watching the level of his voice carefully. "I hope I haven't kept you waiting too long."

The three men and two women present sported lab coats, fine wrinkles, and hard frowns. It would be untrue to say Thor wasn't taken aback, but it was with a friendly smile that he closed the distance between them and placed Jane's work on the nearest desk.

"You have something to show us, Dr. Foster?" said the tallest man, whom all the rest seemed to look to as leader.

"Indeed, I do," said Thor with boundless confidence, and he pulled open the strings of the folder, allowing well organized stack of papers to spill out.

**

It was times like this that Pepper wished she hadn't given up yoga all those years ago. She could use a few pf those deep relaxation techniques to get her through this.

Entering SHIELD through the trainer's entrance had been an adventure all on it's own. Whenever she'd gone to a SHIELD base before, she had to provide her name, ID, and have her thumbprint scanned to be let in. Here, she needed all that (minus the ID), plus an eye scan, blood sample, and full x-ray that left her wondering if this was why Thor always seemed less than enthused about this place.

Either way, he could've warned her.

With that bit of trauma out of the way, Pepper was lead by a group of men in suits and sunglasses down a winding, windowless hallway lit by hanging fluorescent lights. Who did these guys think they were anyway? The Men in Black?

One thing that was even harder to ignore was how much shorter everyone was all of a sudden. Pepper could look straight ahead and see over the heads of almost all of them. She'd always been tall for a woman anyway, heels or no heels, but this was a whole different animal. It was becoming more and more apparent why so many of these guys were glancing over their shoulders every couple of seconds, like she would pound them into the ground with her fist at any given moment.

"Afternoon, Thor," called Director Fury as Pepper stepped into a wide room covered in tarp, mirrors, and training mats. Fury met her with a firm handshake that took all of Pepper's control to keep gentle and quick. She was pretty sure she saw Fury wince.

"Good afternoon," Pepper answered. The deep, growling tone of this voice made Pepper shudder, and not in a good way. It sounded like a saw going through a metal pipe!

Director Fury walked to a group of ten men and women in gym clothes, standing in line like soldiers in the army, which they technically were, Pepper supposed.

"I'm glad you were able to make it," Fury said.

"I wouldn't miss this for the world," said Pepper, hoping that was something Thor would say.

Fury's head tilted to one side- the side he could see through. He observed her, his eye a slit.

He knew, didn't he?

"I suppose I should explain," Fury said once the moment had passed. "We have some new technology, hot out of the oven. Today is testing day."

A man wheeling a metallic silver cart- the kind Tony used to use for his portable cocktail bar- stopped in front of Fury and the recruits. As if movement was the key to keeping it secure, the box slid open the second it was stationary. Through a white mist, Fury pulled out a tiny black tube, the size of a lipstick container. It had a silver bar around the middle, one that must've had the SHIELD logo printed somewhere on it, but even Thor's eyes weren't good enough to see it.

"Is that a taser?" Pepper guessed, hiding from the forefront a great and horrible sinking inher stomach.

"Good call." Fury clicked the top. A bolt of electricity shot out of the tube. It struck a mirror, shattering it and leaving a patch of charred black on the concrete behind it.

Pepper swallowed and nodded. "Impressive."

"That's just the lowest setting," said Fury, calmly. "At it's highest, it can generate up to twenty million volts of electricity."

"That's… quite advanced."

"We figured with your durability and… perchance for lightning, you'd be a good candidate for testing. Are you up for it?"

_'Thor, I am gonna kill you. Jane, I'm sorry about your body, but I have to kill him for this!'_

"Of course," Pepper said, like this was really her at that board meeting, boredly agreeing to discuss a merger with 'tiny, useless company of the week' while sipping lukewarm coffee. "Let's- let's get to it!"

**  
"Third quarter reports show a steady rise in revenue. We're expecting this to continue well into the fourth quarter and beyond."

"That's only if the revamping of our marketing department doesn't sideline us for the next month and a half."

"It's possible we can avoid too much backlash by consolidating our assets in-"

The man with the thick rimmed glasses and the hideous yellow and orange polka dot tie went on to describe whatever it was they could do to prevent a fall out during their possible dry spell next month. Though she tried her hardest, Jane found she couldn't listen to him for more than a few seconds. at a time Maybe it was the nasally quality to his voice that she couldn't stand. Maybe it was just because she had no idea what he was talking about.

He was certainly long winded- it was ten minutes before he finished speaking and sat down.

"Ms. Potts, do you have anything to add regarding the proposal?"

Jane's head snapped up. Everyone was looking at her like she'd grown a second head. Just great. She hadn't said a word, and already she was screwing up. Pepper was going to kill her.

"Oh, I…"  _'Dammit, what was it she told me to say?'_  "I- I'll have my PA look into it."

She might have been seeing things (things she badly wanted to see for her own peace of mind), but the awful tie guy actually looked relieved to hear that.

"Thank you, Ms. Potts, for your consideration," he said.

 _'Haha- I don't even know what you were saying.'_  Jane smiled at the man and shook his hand.

"Alright, I believe that's everything on the agenda," said a woman at the head of the table whom Jane could've kissed. "Thank you all for being here today. You especially, Ms. Potts. We hope you weren't inconvenienced in any way by our request for your presence."

"Oh, not at all," Jane lied, with an ease she had learned from Loki. "I just happy to-"

The door swung open.

"Hold it!"

A massive woman in a prim, beige business suit waddled into the room. Her hair was so blonde, it could only have been dyed, and her plain face bore minimal make-up. Her lips boasted bright red color and nothing else. A black and white mink scarf that looked much too showy for a woman at the office was wrapped around her thick neck. As she entered the room, she shed it- along with her outer coat- and dropped them unceremoniously into the hands of Awful Tie Guy. His complaints went unheeded, but Jane wished she had stopped to yell at Awful Tie Guy for droping her things to the ground. It meant she wouldn't be staring at Jane like this, like she was the woman's next meal.

"I heard you'd be here today, Pepper Potts," said the woman with a vicious smile. "Did you think you could get out of our deal by simply avoiding my emails and phone calls? As if I wouldn't find you sooner or later."

"I… uh…" no matter what Jane may or may not remember about Pepper's lessons, this had definitely not been a part of it.

"We are going to sit down here," the woman grabbed a vacant seat belonging to a man who'd needed a bathroom break. "And we are not leaving this room until the two of us have come to an agreement, and that is final!"

She slapped her hand on the table, it was redder than her lips from the many lavish rings cutting off her circulation. That she was conscious at all was astounding to Jane. Lord knew she felt like knocking herself out right now.

**

The scientists poured over Jane's research for over an hour, leaving Thor to sit uncomfortably on a cold metal chair that left him freezing after just five minutes. This never would have happened if he'd had his armor, or his real body for that matter. He wouldn't even be in this place, with these people who clearly disapproved of Jane Foster's very existence. She was a true hero just for taking all their sharp tones and unsympathetic stares in stride. He would have to commend her and buy her a drink once Loki fixed this.

 _'If he fixes it,'_  said the side of him that still doubted his brother.

 _'Of course he will, be silent,'_  Thor snapped at it.

"Dr. Foster?"

Thor looked up to find one of the SHIELD scientists standing over him, a rare smile gracing his features.

"It looks like you're coming upon some interesting breakthroughs with this 'bifrost' of yours," he said.

Thor thanked him, not knowing what else he could say.

"I think we have everything in order. Would it be alright if we called you tomorrow morning for further discussion?"

By tomorrow, he would be looking down on this man again instead of the other way around. That would be perfect, and he is sure to tell the man this on Jane's behalf before excusing himself while the rest of them were too distracted to ask questions. It was certainly better than what he felt like saying to all of them.

It was easy to maneuver the halls in this unfamiliar wing of SHIELD's headquarters. Thor was a natural born tracker, and not even a smaller frame and the loss of his great power could take that from him.

The exit was in sight when someone took him by the hand. He turned fast, his instincts roaring for him to take down this new foe, whether he physically could or not. That fire was doused by Erik Selvig's voice.

"Jane, thank goodness you're here. Come with me, hurry."

"Erik Selvig?" Thor asked, forgetting himself. Selvig didn't notice, however. Whatever was on his mind had overtaken it completely, allowing nothing else to penetrate it's boundaries.

"I'll explain when we get there, just come on."

"I- wait!"

But there was no stopping him now, and Thor hadn't the power to free himself. He was dragged helplessly far away from that happy, glowing red exit sign. He just hoped Loki never found out about this. Otherwise, he'd never hear the end of it.

**  
Pepper's fears were somewhat unfounded in the end. Really, she should've expected Thor's skin to be tough enough to withstand a million volts of electricity. Or even ten million.

Once they got to twenty million, though, that was when it started to hurt. Even then, the bolt seemed to channel through her, in one side and out the other. What pain there was wasn't even that bad. She felt it more like a surge of energy. It fed the tremendous strength of this body, to the point that Pepper was scared when they were through that she would have the same trouble she had this morning. She'd go to shake someone's hand and wind up crushing it into sand.

"Alright, that's good enough for today," shouted Director Fury. "Everyone go to lunch."

With the recruits heading out, Pepper found herself alone with Fury. That was something that had never happened before, not even in her proper form. Only in Tony's company or with some Stark Industries personnel had she ever dealt with the man. Had Thor ever had a one on one with Fury before?

What did they talk about?

What was he going to expect?

The final recruit shut the door behind him, leaving the room in semi-darkness. Fury turned to Pepper.

"Alright, what aren't you telling me?"


	3. Astrophysicist Thor Odinson

This was becoming a real learning experience for Jane.

Not that she was learning anything useful, just that Awful Tie Guy (whose name appeared to be 'Middlemen') was kind of the exposition guy of the group. When a few board members needed to be brought up to speed on things (more people Jane would have to kiss later), he was ready with all the information they needed, like a supercomputer or something.

Her name was Imelda Jocelyn Mhose (the h was silent). She was the CEO and founder of Mhose Incorporated, a company specializing in trade. Trade with what or whom, he didn't say. Everyone else seemed to already know all about her and her company and just needed their memories jogged. Jane learned that Stark Industries and Mhose Incorporated had been negotiating a merger for the past six weeks, without getting any closer to an agreement in all that time. It seemed Ms. Mhose was getting ready to change that, whether anyone wanted her to or not.

Needless to say, Jane did  _not_  want her to.

What the hell was she supposed to do now?

"You have to go to the bathroom?"

Ms. Mhose sniffed, as if expecting the room to automatically take on the rank stench of a public restroom.

Jane coughed. "Well- yes, I-"

"This is far too important to postpone over a simple bathroom break."

"I know… I just…" Jane racked her brain, a process that made her head throb, and then threw out the first thing that came to her. "I've been sick these last few days. Really bad stomach bug, you know? I was lucky to have even been well enough to come here today since I spent all day yesterday with my head in the toilet."

"I thought you were at a party with Mr. Stark," said Awful Tie Guy, whose name she was never going to learn now. He was going to be Awful Tie Guy for the rest of his life.

Ms. Mhose leaned forward, an obvious intimidation tactic if Jane ever saw one. She was sorry to say that it was working. She felt the back of her chair digging into her spine as she tried to maintain distance from the tyrannical woman. She could see the board members watching them- watching her. They all looked so lost. This had to be the exact opposite of what the real Pepper would have done in this situation. Why, oh why did this have to happen? She'd been doing so well, too!

"We are finishing this  _today_ , Ms. Potts," Ms. Mhose commanded. There was enough venom in the way she spat out Pepper's name to make Jane think she was being willingly sadistic. "I will not wait one more day!"

**  
It was a long time that Erik Selvig dragged Thor around like a helpless rag doll. Long enough for Thor to make extensive plans for immediately teaching Jane some basic defensive and offensive skills. This body had no capacity for battle at all!

"We're almost there," Selvig said, several times over. "I'm sorry to just grab you out of the blue, Jane, but I think you may have been right."

"Oh, well, that's wonderful," Thor said, more lost than ever before.

He was set free once Selvig reached his destination, but the relief was short lived.

The room they had entered was missing its ceiling. The walls towered over them, creating a narrow, funnel shape that closed in around them. An enormous telescope that took up much of that space. A man was sitting at a computer next to a staircase leading up, typing away without a care for the new arrivals. The lens was pointed towards a lovely day fading into twilight. The pink tinted sky offered no warmth, even as Thor felt the radiating heat burn him in a way it never before had. Even when he had been without his power, he'd been afforded a natural protection from the elements. Not so today. He pulled the collar of Jane's shirt. It was tighter on him than he'd realized.

"Afternoon, Richie!" Selvig shouted to the man at the computer, who said nothing, but raised a hand in greeting. Selvig guided Thor to the stairs, drawing him close to the bottom. "It's just like we talked about last week, Jane."

"It is?" Thor asked, hoping against hope that he could indirectly prompt Selvig to give him a full and unabridged description of exactly what it was him and Jane had talked about.

"You'll have to look and see for yourself, but I think this was what you were trying to describe."

Thor found himself halfway up the steps to the telescope. Selvig stopped following him at the stairs, and for good reason. That platform at the very tip top sported a seat molded into the plaster and nothing else. No room to move at all. Who on this realm was responsible for such insufficient architectural design? Thor would've liked to have a word with them. Preferably in his own body.

He slid into the hard seat. It was less than comfortable, but it fit this body well. He might've crushed it in his true form.

"Well, are you going to look?" Selvig shouted at him through cupped hands. "Do you see it?"

Thor stared at a range of small eyepieces, the names of which Jane might have tried to teach him at one time; perhaps at the party last night, while he'd been busy enjoying his first bite of 'honey smoked baby back ribs' and cared for nothing else in the world until he was done.

' _That's the trouble with you, Thor_ ,' said the voice of Loki in his head. ' _You haven't a prayer of making successful small talk at the dinner table. You_ _have the appetite of a starving animal, and the attention span of one too_.'

Thor had never agreed with his brother more.

**  
There was a certain method Pepper had learned for avoiding potentially dangerous situations or questions you'd rather not answer. As a CEO, it had served her well, as it had Tony before her (not that she'd ever admit to using his methods). It saved her from more tight spots than she could count, and it had kept that awful woman from Mhose Incorporated off her back for five months and counting.

That method, quite simply put, was diversion.

Nobody said it had to be original.

"Director Fury, I'm not sure I know what you mean."

Fury's one eye opened as wide as it could (though Pepper was sure he could open it wider if he had to). Pepper stood her ground, doubting that tactic worked any more on Thor than it did on her.

"You don't know what I mean," he repeated, hand on his chin. "Okay, let's recap: you show up here ten minutes late, looking like you have no idea what's going on, even though I told you twice before that this could require some pain on your part- which you assured me not to worry about that, I might add. Then, when we get down to business, you look completely lost and you flinch every time one of us is about to shoot you."

 _'That's a pretty common reaction to being shot at, you know,'_  Pepper thought.

"You must forgive me," she said, in the most Thor-like way she could muster. "I made rather merry of myself yesterday."

Fury frowned. "Where have I heard that before?"

Pepper gave no indication. If he wanted to know, he'd have to wait until Christmas time when he cracked open his copy of A Christmas Carol. Until then, it was high time to bring in that diversion plan of hers.

Now, how would she do it?

Thor's power was down to a simmer, though Pepper could still feel the buzz of it with every move she made and word she said. It was intoxicating, that kind of power. Pepper had experienced something like it once before, and once was enough in her book. Best to end this as quickly as possible and get home so Loki could fix this.

She zeroed in on the little red box just over Fury's shoulder. The white lettering was clear and straightforward, and right now, absolutely perfect.

Pepper feigned a sigh, an excuse to turn her back to Fury.

"Don't you walk away from me," he snapped.

Shutting him out, Pepper focused on the room's sole window, high enough to reach the ceiling. It was a cool, sunny day outside, though night was approaching fast. She couldn't create a storm without Fury knowing it was her. The weather forecast didn't predict so much as rain for the rest of the week, so that idea was out.

Pepper went back to that red box, walking casually around the room while Fury's interrogation became louder and more demanding.

"Thor, if you don't come back here and talk to me  _right now_..."

He left the threat unspoken. A normal agent would probably be cowering in fearful anticipation of what he meant to do to them. Thor would likely not even care, because they both knew there was nothing Fury could really do to him. Pepper wouldn't mind holding to that trait, unless that's another power that could easily go to one's head.

She stopped before the fire alarm, casually resting on one arm against the wall, like she was oblivious to Fury fuming at the collar and developing pulsing veins all over his shiny bald head. She pressed her hand over the wiring, ready to pull. She had one second.

"Well, Director Fury," Pepper spoke up cheerfully, "the thing about yesterday is-"

The wires gave. A blaring siren went off as the LED lights dimmed down in favor of a bright red one. Sprinklers went off, drenching them both. Pepper wasn't bothered until bars descended over the windows and people outside the training room started barking orders at each other and running back and forth.

"Oh, my apologies," she shouted over the noise at the beet red Fury. "I'm really not myself today, good sir. I think I'll just go and clear this whole mess up with your agents now. No need to worry!"

"THOR!"

"Have a good day, Director Fury!"

Pepper dashed out of the room.

**  
"Jane, what are you doing up there?"

Thor used to hear the captains in Asgard's army sounding like that. He'd never understood the terror in the new recruit's eyes as their mistakes were laid out before them and dissected. It was only for the purpose of bettering them, after all. This might not be the same thing, but the feeling was the same. Thor would never think those men weak of will again.

"Jane?"

Thor grimaced, but there was really no way he could get out of this, was there? Delivering Jane's work was one thing; trying to emulate it… even if he could, it would feel like little more than an insult to his dear friend and sister-to-be.

Resigned, Thor lifted himself from the seat, clutching the metal to keep from falling as he turned to face Erik.

"Erik Selvig," Thor said. as loud as Jane's voice would allow, "I-"

Alarms sounded all over the room, so loud that it knocked Selvig's co-worker right out of his chair. Papers flew everywhere as the normal lights were replaced with bright, blinking red. Outside, people were shouting to each other about emergency protocols and exit strategies, and Thor felt a burning euphoria.

"Aha! I hear a call to war!" he shouted.

"Actually, I think that's a fire alarm."

"No time to waste, my good man," Thor cried, sliding down the banister and leaping over Richie's head to the door. "Now is the time to fight!"

"Jane," Selvig cried. "What the hell are you talking about?!"

"My apologies, friend Erik. Today has been a…. strange day for all of us."

Thor threw open the door and sprinted out, faster than Jane would've ever thought herself capable of, leaving poor, befuddled Erik in his wake.

"Yeah, no kidding," he said.

**  
All around Thor, people where going in twelve different directions. Some of them carried guns. Others were barking orders. What they all shared was a fierce calm and a strict formation that would impress even the greatest generals of Asgard. Thor slowed in his running just a tad, taking time to appreciate their discipline, and also because he was starting to tire out.

Out of the narrow halls, he came upon an open space. The red of the sirens gave the room the appearance of being on fire, and the many dark shadows were burning tinder. Amidst the flurry of movement, a large figure burst onto the scene, and Thor could've cried from relief.

"Lady Pepper!"

She whirled around, close to losing her balance due to his much larger frame.

"Oh, hey Thor!" she shouted over the noise. "I just wanted to apologize for all this. I don't think Fury's too happy with you right now."

"Did you cause this?"

With a sheepish rub of her neck, Pepper shrugged. "He was onto me. I had to get out of there somehow. I'm sorry-"

"No, that was an excellent plan," Thor said. "You may have just saved us both."

Someone smacked into Thor then- a newer agent not quite as accustomed to emergency situations and how to respond. Thor was saved from breaking Jane's nose when Pepper scooped him out of the air and held him to her as she took off once more. Agents flooded all around them, their eyes sliding past the Norse God and the 'woman' in 'his' arms.

"We need to fly out of here," Thor said.

"Fly? You're expecting me to fly?" Pepper cried.

"It's not as hard as it looks," Thor assured her. "You just need… where is Mjolnir?"

Thor stared at the side of his armor where the mighty hammer was meant to hang.

"I couldn't pick it up this morning, so I left it," said Pepper.

A light went off in Thor's head. The surprise he momentarily felt vanished at the realization that of course Lady Pepper couldn't wield Mjolnir. Mjolnir had but one master, and it didn't matter what body he was in.

Lifting himself slightly out of Pepper's grasp, Thor raised his arm to the sky. Instantly, electric energy surged through him, filling him with more life and strength than he'd felt all day.

"Thor," Pepper stammered, likely feeling it too. "What are you doing?"

"Hold on tight, Lady Pepper."

Mjolnir slammed through the ceiling, into his hand as white light washed away the red. Several agents skidded to a halt, awed as the tiny scientist in the mighty Thor's arms hefted Mjolnir to the sky and flew 'herself' and the screaming 'Thor' out the window.

**  
"Ms. Potts, have you been listening to a single word I've said?"

It was difficult to do that, Jane wished she could say. The fact of the matter was that every word out of Ms. Mhose's mouth was like pulling teeth and then pouring lemon juice into the wounds. Now there were people right outside the door watching some news broadcast about some random government building going into lockdown and blowing the power within a five block radius. The details were sketchy- nobody was close enough for Jane hear the whole thing, but it really went without saying what was going on.

She'd hardly pushed her chair out an inch when Ms. Mhose's hand latched onto her, holding her down with the force of an iron manacle.

"Ms. Potts!" she shouted. "How dare you even think of getting up when we have having such an important discussion."

 _'Are we?'_  Jane wondered. "I'm sorry, Ms. Mhose. There's something that's come up, and-"

"Oh, there's  _always_  something that's come up!" Ms. Mhose screeched, teeth gnashing like a wild animal's. "You know what I think? I think you're just too scared to face me. You have no idea how to run this company, and why would you? You're just a silly little girl who needed her boyfriend to hoist her up the ladder, and-"

"Okay, you are way out of line!" Jane shouted. There had never been anyone but Ms. Mhose talking, but it feels to Jane like she's silenced the whole room.

" _What did you just say?_ " Ms. Mhose cried, pressing a hand to her heart.

"Look, I don't know who you think you are, but you can not talk about Pepper like that. She is twice the businesswoman you will ever be! Now, I have to go, and you can walk out of here or be thrown out, because with your piss poor attitude, I can see why nobody wants to talk to you."

And without waiting to see if Ms. Mhose would collect her jaw from the floor and respond, Jane ran.

**

Loki entered the hotel room after Stark, who was shaking the soot from his sleeves and the crevasses of his coat, but not even a human shield could protect him from the two female bodies launching themselves at him.

"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!"

The question, shouted by three voices as one, was followed by a huge clap of thunder that shook the windows. Ms. Potts squeaked an apology and promptly sat down. Something within the couch snapped; Stark would have to pay for that.

"We had to return to that cave you entered," Loki explained. "I needed Stark to show me where it happened so I could determine what kind of magic it was."

"Yeah, and he took  _forever_ ," Stark whined childishly, holding his stomach. "I haven't eaten since breakfast."

"Oh, poor you," Loki muttered.

While Tony tended to Pepper, Loki extracted himself from the painful grips of his displaced brother and lover. It was hard to tell which one he should address first, and not just for the obvious reasons.

"I take it your mile in each other's shoes has left you all with much to think about," he said.

"I don't know about them," said Ms. Potts, "but all I could think about were the ways in which I'm going to twist your head off."

"I'm fairly certain there is only one way to do that," Loki answered.

How Tony was able to keep her from getting up and throttling him, Loki didn't know nor care

"Look, everyone just stop all the games," Jane shouted. "It's been one day, Loki. You're ready to change us back now, right?"

Loki hummed, taking in the three of them one at a time. Jane in the front, nearly meeting him in height for once in her life. Thor behind her, in Jane's true form, ruining her delectable image with his mere presence. Ms. Potts with Stark, her hopeful eyes almost perfectly mimicking the real Thor's, on the day Loki had weaved a lie for him that Odin was dead. As the unhappy memory faded, Loki heaved a sigh.

"Very well," he said. "I shall try."

He snapped his fingers once. The lights all blew out, plunging the room into darkness. Gasps that never ceased left three mouths. Only when the magic holding them shattered did they fade, and those who weren't seated stumbled into the nearest wall. The electricity surged back to life. The sight that greeted Loki was that of Thor, Jane, and Ms. Potts all staring at their hands and arms like they were the most glorious things they'd ever seen in their lives.

"I'm me again!" cried Jane, the real Jane, who wrapped her real arms around Loki's neck to pull herself up and plant a sweet, thankful kiss on his lips. While Loki eagerly reciprocated, Thor had to move aside for Ms. Potts to jump into Stark's arms and similarly attack his face in glee.

With Thor the awkward fifth wheel, it was a time before he felt comfortable enough to ask the question that would be on everyone else's minds were they capable of thinking straight.

"Brother, was it really that simple to fix this? This you needed an entire day for?"

Jane and Loki parted. both with a great deal of reluctance. One look at Jane, however, told him that the passion had died down and he had no room to stall. He had to answer, and he did so with a smile and a laugh that the two of them would know anywhere. Everyone understood completely.

"You could've done that whenever you wanted, couldn't you?" Jane demanded. She left him there, cold and wanting, with his arms outstretched to her, though he knew it was of no use now.

"Hang on," said Stark. "Did I hear that right? He was just playing with us this whole time?"

"I spent a day taking tasered in the back for nothing?!" screamed Ms. Potts. "I put the entire building into lockdown! Thor could be in so much trouble for this!"

"He'll be fine," Loki said dismissively, "Fury wouldn't dare seek retribution. And for your information, I  _had_  to leave you as you were for at least long enough to teach you a lesson. I'm sure now you'll all think twice about meddling with ancient forces you cannot hope to comprehend. Next time, call on me first, because you might end up dealing with aftereffects even I could not cure so easily. And now, if that's all," he took the unwilling Jane by the hand, pulling her to him. "I think we can all use a good night's rest."

He turned away, his final view of them being a gobsmacked Thor, and Stark holding Ms. Potts back from lunging at Loki. Not even the physical limitations of her proper body were going to stop her from killing him.

"You're sleeping on the floor tonight," Jane hissed as they stepped into the hallway.

Loki hugged her close. "If you say so."

**

He didn't sleep on the floor.

At least, not for long.

It was rare for Jane to get to sleep any time before three am. Not when there was work to be done, stars to watch, and frantic phone calls to field.

Well, that last one only counted for tonight. After dealing with Erik Selvig, who wanted to know if Jane had been drinking that day or if Loki had done something (his go-to explanation for everything that went wrong these days), Jane then received a call from Ms. Potts. The other woman revealed that she'd spoken to the person in charge of something called 'Mose Incorporated,' who had been very impressed with the way 'Ms. Potts' took charge in the meeting room that day ('that's exactly the kind of person I want my company associated with!' she'd said) and wanted to meet again soon for further negotiation. Ms. Potts wanted to know exactly what Jane had said to the woman, right down to the word.

Jane was in every way exhausted by the time it was over (for some reason, she'd been less than thrilled about relaying to her friend what had happened that day). Loki had to carry her to bed, and she made no objections when he crawled in after her, pressing himself into her back, but that might just have been because she was asleep the second her head hit the pillow.

It was the best night's sleep Loki ever had. He had no fear of another woman taking Jane's place in the morning, or worse yet, his brother. A thousand years later, and he'd still be shuddering at the thought of  _that_  experience.

He awoke the next morning much like he had the first, with an added confidence that the world was as it should be and he had a beautiful morning to spend with the beautiful woman in his arms.

He pressed a hand into her stomach, making her fidget more than she usually did. It was funny, he'd never known her to be ticklish there.

Loki lazily opened his eyes. His other hand ran through her soft hair, and he lifted the strands to his eyes.

They were  _red_.

"Mmmm… not now, Tony. I'm still sleeping."

The woman in his bed shifted, from her side to her stomach, clearing a path for Loki's eyes to travel to the mirror on the opposite wall, and a reflection of brown eyes and a face full of hair.

He screamed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End.
> 
> Thanks everyone for reading. I hope you all enjoyed this overwrought mutant of a oneshot!


End file.
